Friday Nights at 10pm

Friday Nights at 10pm

It all started as a crazy idea, but now it’s as real as it gets. every Friday night at 10pm the lights dim, the dj gets to work, and six legendary turtles step onto the track for an opportunity to become the fastest in all the land. if you pick a winner, you get a beer for a buck. we invite you to witness the pinnacle of animal athletics.

let’s race some reptiles!

When they’re not on the track, our six lean, green, racing machines train vigorously in their 400 gallon, professionally maintained sanctuary located at the entrance of our restaurant. If you’re unable to attend one of the races, stop by and take some photos with last week’s champ, or give them a high five through the glass. Despite the overwhelming demand, autographs are not available at this time.

About our turtles

  • He was shot 9 times in a street fight and lived. Common sense would guide you to kindly nod your head and keep walking. When the other turtles are asked about him, all they say is “Don’t start none, won’t be none.” MF doesn’t show much appreciation for small talk about the “Respect” tattoo on his neck, or his life on the streets of Memphis. Our advice? Just don’t ask questions and you should be alright.

  • Once known for his famous cooking show “Shell’s Kitchen” on the Food Network, this culinary expert pivoted careers and now spices things up on the track. He recently made headlines during an interview with Bon Appetit Magazine when he stated that he’d “rather be used as an ingredient in one of his own soups than lose a race on Friday night.” In retaliation to his egocentric spirit, the other turtles began calling him Saturday Soup.

  • A native to the land down under, Brandon Loggerhead moved to the USA to pursue what would become one of the most iconic film careers of all time. His looks alone are striking, but his Australian accent is what really makes the ladies come out of their shell. Here at Crafted, we have gotten to know him as “Aussie,” but every once in a while the fans on Friday night will cheer him on by his birth name as they erupt in a “Lets Go Brandon” chant.

  • A critically acclaimed author of romantic novels, Shelly has written 13 New York Times Best Sellers. She traded her fancy life in the Upper East Side for a chance to be crowned the queen of turtle racing. Her deep understanding for romance has led to promiscuous activity with several turtles on numerous occasions. We believe this is all part of her strategy to “stir the pot” and distract her competition from their ultimate goals. Her plan seems to be working, but all we can say is “drama, drama, drama.”

  • After fleeing the Soviet Union, Stallin’ pursued his dream of Formula 1 racing in Maranello, Italy. However, ongoing contract disputes with Scuderia Ferrari ultimately led to an abrupt departure from the team in 2017. The Crafted Restaurant Group quickly jumped on the opportunity, and signed Stallin’ to a lucrative 16-year deal.

  • Don’t let her old age fool you. When Myrtle talks, turtles listen. Entering her eleventh seasons of racing, she holds the record with 219 wins and 432 podiums. She’s been doing this shit for years, so you damn well better respect her. We should also mention that in her free time she crochets some of the finest knitwear we’ve ever seen.